Life Lessons From Losing a Parent To Suicide
My family circa 2023 with our step mom Linda.
Recently, it was my mother’s birthday. She would have been 63. She died at the age of 55.
I was fortunate enough to spend time with my family over the weekend and on the day of her birthday in Oklahoma City.
We spent the weekend celebrating my nephew's 1st birthday party, laughing, playing, and watching our family grow.
By now, my little brother has 3 kids under the age of 6. And my older brother has a 2 year old girl and a boy on the way..
My dad is remarried, lives on 10 acres, retired and has a new hobby of raising farm animals; which is really bizarre but also really cool and amazing to be a part of.
My little sister and I have taken parallel paths… I think we are more alike in the fact that we really have a heart to help and serve people. Maybe we didn’t take the traditional route of starting a family young and centering our lives around family; but more so how can we help as many people as possible.
On the day of my mom’s birthday, we planned a family breakfast and then went out to her grave at the cemetery.
There was a moment where my dad and I were there alone before anyone got there…I hadn't ever been alone with my dad at her grave.. I didn't know what to expect… “Is this weird? Is it awkward?” I thought. As you may know, my family actually never really discussed my mom or what happened to her.. We never shared our feelings or how it affected us.
That wasn't a thing in our family. We don't DO feelings!
As I'm standing there with my dad, I start to get emotional and I realize I'm alone with him and I want answers… I want to know how he feels..
So I asked him.. “So, what do you think about all of this?”
There was silence for a bit..
And then he said, “I think about her everyday…. I still have dreams about her”
Not exactly the answer I was looking for.
I wanted feelings, depth, a “this is how this made me feel”. But.. I didn't get that. And that's okay.
Again, my family doesn't DO feelings.
As the moments pass and I’m looking down at my mom’s headstone in the ground on this windy Oklahoma day, it hits me that I’ve actually learned SO MUCH since this incident.
Eight years of experiences, of trials, of darkness, of light, of trying new things, of facing my past, of learning about my mom, learning about emotions, learning about unresolved trauma.
This is where I realized how much I've grown from that experience.
I think this tragic thing in my family was the catalyst of starting my own journey that I've had to go down.
I think you can let traumatic things either effect you or evolve you.
I'm glad I can say, looking back, that it truly did change me for the better. While there were twists and turns and of course hard things in between, I would have never faced myself and what I needed to heal had I not witnessed the biggest example of unresolved trauma, depression, lack of identity, lack of confidence…. In my mom. Not only when she was alive but the fact that all of these were her reason for wanting to take her life.
It was like I was looking into a crystal ball and seeing everything that I didn't want to happen to me and making that conscious decision to start to make opposite choices that would lead me down a different path than she took.
That being said, I want to go through some of those lessons I've learned and the realizations I've had from reflecting on my experiences from the last eight years.
# 1 It's pointless to be angry or blame
I didn't know I was angry for a long time.
If you've been following my story, you know I suppressed my feelings for a really long time.
Anger was the only emotion I could show. I was irritable, restless and frustrated a lot.
I look back and see the way I was acting and my behavior everyday. It wasn't the behavior of a fun, happy, outgoing person.
I was this bump on a log, dealing with a lot of stuff internally.
I might have looked happy on the outside, but that was a show I had to put on or I had to muster up those emotions. That wasn't my default, as it should be.
When I was passionate, when I was outspoken or when I really let my feelings show, was when I was angry.
And that was mostly in my relationship I was in, in California.
There were several times when he would tell me “you only know how to show emotion when you're angry” or “anger is the only emotion you show”.
At the time, I had no clue what that meant.
But, now I understand.
I really had to start to forgive my mother for what she had done…
But, of course it's easy to blame after the fact.
I’d think, “Since she did this, this happened” or “if she wouldn't have done this, this wouldn't have happened”.
I really pinpointed that instance to a lot of failures or terrible things that happened following, or did this instance just reveal what was inevitable anyway?
Because my mom took her life, my husband and I separated and eventually divorced.. OR were we going to split eventually anyways?
Because my mom took her life, my family became divided for years and grew apart.. OR were we never that close anyway?
Because my mom took her life, I dissociated from myself and was depressed.. OR was that already buried deep down inside?
See where I'm going with this?
It's easy to blame people for YOUR problems. For where YOU are in life. For the things going wrong for YOU.
There will always be a villain in your story.
You just have to ask yourself if this is truly a villain or a superhero in disguise for your life.
# 2 People can only meet you where they are emotionally
This is one of my favorite things to talk about.
This took me a LONG time to learn and understand.
When I was with my dad at my mothers gravesite, I realized I have learned so much since she died. When it happened, I just thought it was a thing happening in our lives. A very bad thing. And it was. But this wasn't something that happened because of a couple weeks or months of hard times. My mother’s entire life was leading up to this: her pain, her unresolved trauma, her shame, her insecurities. I learned all of this about my mom after she was gone. She didn’t do this because she was depressed for a couple of months.. It was a slow decline that was kept secret from her own family.
My mother was doing the best she could with the knowledge and awareness she had.
She was who she was. And I loved her for that.
People in your life are who they are based on their experiences and what they witnessed.
You can not change them. You can only inspire them to grow or evolve.
Everyone is meeting you exactly where they are.
For instance, if you are in constant fights or battles with a partner, spouse, friend and you are just like “ugh why do they act this way!!”
It’s (usually) not an act they are putting on for you. That's legit who they are - personality, insecurities, confidence or lack thereof.
You won't get anything more or anything less.
You can't ask a child to act like a teenager anymore than you can ask an unaware/insecure person to be rational and confident in who they are.
It doesn't work.
So, when someone was getting an angry, unaware, anxiety ridden version of me (notice I say version because this isn't inherently who we are), it was because that was my max, my cap of knowledge and information I had at that time.
People have to experience life. And that takes time.
But I also think where true change and growth comes in, is the willingness to accept where you are, accept your faults, failures, and insecurities and take assertive action to heal yourself.
Most people are missing that second half.
They have insecurities, shame, guilt, low self esteem, and are emotionally immature. They have these down, but they don't have the “huh…. Maybe I should take the time to examine these things, face myself, work through my trauma, and overcome these negative emotions that are ruling my life” down.
I think this is the point where most people never get.
They never get to this checkpoint in the game.
They just keep dying over and dying when they try to jump to the next cliff and get frustrated when they can't progress to the next level of the game - aka their life.
So.. all this to say.
When YOU have awareness and emotional intelligence it will be SO easy to spot and recognize who does not.
You will never meet an aware person who acts like an out of control idiot.
Self-aware people can objectively evaluate themselves, manage their emotions, align their behavior with their values, and understand how others perceive them. They can interpret their actions, feelings, and thoughts objectively.
If someone in your life right now can't:
Recognize their strengths and challenges.
Understand and talk about their needs and feelings.
Recognize other people's needs and feelings.
See how their behavior affects others.
Develop a growth mindset.
Learn from their mistakes.
They are not self aware, they haven't put in the time or work on themselves, they are avoidant of their traumas, and they havent hit that rock bottom place yet that will force them into change.
And it's basically pointless to: 1- try to change them, and 2- get upset by their behavior.
You have to let people get to that place of voluntary healing.
It can not be forced upon them.
That is where my mother never got to.
She never got to that point of ultimate self awareness and emotional intelligence.
Which I believe led to her downfall. And the feeling of hopelessness. It's like she ran out of gas, not knowing that she herself was at the gas station to be able to fill her tank back up.
# 3 People have to heal on their own time.
This ties into number 2 but I wanted to go a little deeper on this.
Healing is a journey. A never-ending, looping and swooping, get knocked on your face while simultaneously learning to love yourself and evolve ten fold.
But, it has to be THEIR choice.
It had to be MY choice.
While I did have someone right by my side, helping me every step of the way, challenging me, showing me things I was doing… I STILL had to make the decision on my own, my own way, on my own time.
You will never be able to force anyone to start healing - not FOR REAL anyway.
Let them be.
And if you’re thinking “They will IN TIME..” Just know there is only SOME truth to this..
What is TIME’s role in the healing process?
Time is simply just an opportunity and how someone heals over time ultimately depends on how they decide to use that opportunity to shape their present and future circumstances.
Time is only valuable when you are using it wisely and intentionally - to help dilute challenging or difficult experiences.
We simply cannot just GET OVER IT!
Take it from me.
My trauma caught up with me two years later.
TWO YEARS! That should be enough time, right? How much longer did I need?
But the truth is, those two years were not well spent.
In fact, it was mainly avoiding and running - in fear.
It wasn't until I turned around and faced the beast so to speak.
I picture anyone avoiding healing their trauma as like running in the dark as a beast is chasing them. They run and run until they finally come to the realization that they should just turn around, look this beast in the face, and scare the shit out of it until it goes away - weird I know.
Who in your life is running from a beast right now?
Is it YOUR job to run alongside them and be just as frustrated, scared, and worn out as they are? No! Absolutely not.
You have to watch from the sidelines and allow them to come to you and say “wow I was running for a really long time before I knew I didn't have to anymore. Thanks for always being there for me. I now think I'm ready to do this healing work.”
Trust me, it will go a long way to just simply BE there for someone as opposed to forcing your opinions, your beliefs, your ways on them.
Sometimes you may have to see someone fall flat on their face and that’s okay.
That's usually the most effective way that people catapult into wanting to change - rock bottoms.
Which is my number 4 lesson I learned.
# 4 Rock bottoms are necessary for change, healing, and growth
Have you ever heard an inspirational story that didn't have some sort of traumatic climax to it?
That didn't involve chaos, jail, death, or unimaginable experiences?
Probably not.
Because most stories of transformational change have some sort of rock bottom moment in them.
And, I don't want to be the bearer of bad news here…
But, it’s how it *usually* has to happen.
Very rarely do you hear of someone making drastic changes in their life or lifestyle “just because they felt like it.”
It happened to me and it happens to the most inspiring people you know, watch, read about, or follow.
Rock bottoms are necessary.
When you are at the lowest of lows. The nasty, dirty, painful parts of your life that seem like they will never be over. When you feel alone, scared, and fearful. When everything seems up against you instead of for you:
This is when true, lasting change can finally begin to occur.
Try to find a story of a man turning his life around without being in a pit.
Search for a story of a woman who hasn't endured tremendous hardship to be as successful as she is today.
It just doesn't happen.
So… life lesson number 4:
Embrace rock bottoms!
Embrace the suck!
While it may seem impossible, tell yourself it won't last forever, know that you are being replanted. You are getting better soil. You are sharpening tools needed for what's to come.
You CAN overcome it. You WILL overcome it.
And your pit will soon turn into a peak.
Rock bottoms serve you - they are not meant to destroy you but to show you just how strong you really are.
# 5 Everyone has trauma - some form of it.
Absolutely NO ONE is exempt from trauma and every single person is different.
But do not for one second think someone you know has had a perfect life.
I used to HATE the fact that I felt like I was the only one I knew who seemed to always be going through hard times.
In my teens, it was my rebellious years and getting kicked out of my house twice while my other friends had parents who weren't strict and actually listened to them and their needs.
In my 20s, I was obviously going through every thing I went through - parents’ mental illness, mom’s suicide, divorce, moving to California, struggling most of the time there.
I thought to myself “none of my friends are going through this shit.”
Everyone is living parallel to where they should be. Getting careers, having babies, enjoying life.
Meanwhile I felt like I was on a never ending roller coaster of bad experiences.
But….
There's always a but.
As I've gained more experience, I can see most of my friends are actually lagging behind me. I see their little traumas start to creep up in their lives. Or even some big instances that have happened.
I had a friend who recently lost her brother in a car accident.
I've had friends have miscarriages.
I've seen a friend go through divorce and emotional manipulation tied with that.
I've seen a friend’s little trauma affect her current life and where she currently is at in this stage of life.
I've seen friends go through rock bottoms emotionally and get seriously depressed and anxious.
And I begin to feel grateful that I went through everything so early in my life.
Although it sucked at the time, I have more emotional intelligence than most people in their 30s, 40s, and 50s.
And guess what?
It came from the suckiest times of my life.
They say the top 5 hardest things you will go through in life are:
Loss of a loved one
Serious illness
Bankruptcy / financial hardship
Divorce
And moving across the country
I did 4 out 5 of those by the time I was 30 years old.
So, I grew up fast. But I had to.
Is that right or wrong, bad or good?
That's ultimately up to your perspective.
But personally, I wouldn't have it any other way.
I now understand that it's pointless to waste my energy on getting angry. I now sit back and assess what is making me angry and recognize that it's just a trigger I'm having that I need to spend more time unpacking.
I can see if someone is being rude, standoffish, manipulative or negative. It's just where their emotional capacity sits at the time. And I can choose to give into that negative energy or not. And not blame them. Because everyone goes through that time at some point in their life and we have the power to choose or not choose to stay there.
I let people heal on their own time and I don't force my opinions on others or the ways I did or didn't do something. I let them have space and know that they can choose to spend their time with either opportunity or rumination.
I'm aware that rock bottoms are inevitable and are necessary for growth. So when I recognize I'm in a storm, I think of all the ways that this is helping me grow and be grateful for what I have and what the future holds with this new found awareness I'm gaining.
And I don't feel sorry for myself that my life experiences are different from others whose lives may seem worry or stress free. Everyone has trauma that will affect their life in some way. We are human and we will all experience human emotions. I’m grateful for overcoming what I went through and know everyone has something different to offer the world.
Stay tuned for part two coming next week on habits you love.
# 6 The world doesn't need more of the same
I get it.
It’s hard NOT to conform to societal ways or the ways of your family or how you were raised.
If you look at my family, I should have probably ended up differently than I did.
And at one point in my life, I felt like I was going down the traditional route. I was married by 24, I went to college, and had a regular 9-5 job working for someone else.
But in my mid 20’s, I started to feel a lot of resistance to this identity.
I found myself fantasizing about moving out of Oklahoma and exploring different parts of the world.
I wanted to be more independent and carefree. I didn't care to have babies or be a housewife, like my husband at the time wanted me to.
I liked to work, create, and explore.
I just felt very unlike myself or at least what I could be. Like I was straying farther away from my true self.
At the time, this wasn't how I would describe it because I didn't know what a true, authentic self meant.
I just had an inkling, a gut feeling.
Which you should ALWAYS follow by the way.
Looking back… again this is all in reflecting and looking at things with more awareness.
I know it was because of two things:
Lack of boundaries and sticking up for myself
Lack of self confidence and self awareness
Essentially the inability to know myself, my standards, my desires, and know that I was still learning and growing.
Our brains don't stop developing until our mid twenties and I feel like I sped up all these big life events and decisions before I even knew who I was.
My advice and opinion to anyone is to not make big life decisions in your 20’s honestly.
They say you live 10 lifetimes in your 20s and that's so true.
You don't know EXACTLY who you are, what you want, and what your true assignment is in this world that young.
I made all of these decisions with a “sure why not” sort of mentality.
Not ACTUALLY thinking of what I truly wanted… because I didn't know.
I'm not entirely sure why I have always strayed away from the “norm” whatever that is.
Maybe there is nothing normal.
Maybe the normal is based on your opinion alone.
So don't ever let anyone tell you - you SHOULD marry that person, it's the right thing to do.
Don’t quit that good paying job and follow your true passion - that's the WRONG thing to do.
Listen, everything works out in the end.
Whatever you put YOUR energy into is what will come to fruition. It has to.
So, back to my point.
I always felt different. I always thought differently than most of the people in my life.
I always chose opposite decisions than what my family or friends were doing.
And I always felt guilty about it or like I was doing something wrong.
So don't be afraid to buck the system. To buck the norm.
The world would be so boring if everyone was the SAME.
Can you imagine?
We need something different. We need something unique. We need thought leaders. We need creators.
We don't need anymore people conforming to what most people are doing.
We need people to go out and make a difference in their own way, to be their own selves - whatever that looks like for them.
I didn’t and don’t want to go the traditional route.
I wouldn't have any stories to tell like this.
Had I stayed in Oklahoma, married, living in a 3 bed 2 bath house that I can't afford, gone to a 9-5 job that has nothing to do with my passion, and only living for the weekend with screaming kids in my arms.. I would not have the story I have today. I wouldn't have the impact I have on people and I certainly wouldn't have the self awareness and life experiences to talk about.
Do you. For you.
# 7 You have to be the inspiration not the influence
I stopped trying to help or force help on people a long time ago. I stopped trying to INFLUENCE them.
Instead I learned I had to inspire them.
Say you had a radical transformation…
Whatever it pertains to: weight loss, spiritual, emotional, physical, trauma.
It is best if you continue to live your life as you would without trying to herd people with you - UNLESS they are asking.
What I know is… even if they don't tell you, people are watching.
People are watching your life and how you conduct it.
They form opinions and judgements about it no matter what - good or bad.
I feel as though I've helped more people by NOT trying to help people.
Let me explain.
When I share the way I live, when I give off good energy, when I share a vulnerable piece of information about me, I help someone, or more than one person, more than if I were to make it my mission to try to convince one person to change their ways.
Just like in my last episode where I talk about letting people heal on their own time.
Let people WANT to change on their own time without letting it stop the speed at which you are living.
I think we tend to slow down our own momentum in an effort to help every single person on the side of the road.
But if we continue to be that light, to be that inspiration, to be that hope ..
People are watching and they will catch up.
They will eventually make a move and say “i've watched you, you have inspired me, it took me a long time, but i'm finally ready to do this thing.”
With that laissez-faire approach, you attract more people with your energy that want to have what you have.
People are drawn to energy. I know I am at least.
I am more inclined to be inspired by someone when I see the way they carry themselves, how they treat people, how they treat themselves.
So maybe you know someone right now who YOU THINK needs help.
You see their habits, their behaviors, the path they are going down, the people they are hanging out with.
STOP trying to force them to change, to course correct.
If anything, this just turns them away and does the opposite of your intentions.
You can not waste your energy trying to change someone else’s.
Focus on your energy alone, let people watch, be inspired and they will come around when it is their time, not yours.
# 8 You are never being punished
This is the best sentence I have come across and learned and the one I come back to the most.
You are never being punished..
God/the universe is NEVER trying to punish you or “make you pay”.
Ever.
So try to wrap your head around that…
Even though it does not seem like it RIGHT NOW, everything that is happening or has happened is for a reason, a purpose.
Every single time I looked back on a storm I was in, every single time..not just a couple times.. I would say “wow ok that happened for this reason. That happened so THIS could work out. That part sucked but it taught me this.”
It always takes you to the next level.
This phrase .. this knowing has always kept me centered and hopeful.
If I KNOW FOR A FACT that I'm not being punished - then what IS this doing for me?
And I marinate in that.
I don't try to figure it out. Because I know it's not entirely up to me.
It’s like the phrase goes… “if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”
I know every detail of my life is not up to me..
I believe we have a grand purpose for our lives and when we aren't physically or emotionally on track with our goal, something will rock us to get us back on track. It may not get you back on track RIGHT away, but it will get you back there.
If you know this one powerful truth - you are never being punished. You can immediately go from victim to victor.
From “look what is happening to me” to “look what happened for me!”
The next time you wonder if you are being punished, try thinking, "What if I am NOT being punished?"
Then choose instead to ask yourself the question, "Now what? How do I improve this or make the best of this?"
Use the power of your brain to choose an explanation that promotes resilient responses to stress. Not only will you feel better immediately, but you will increase your abilities to handle problems resourcefully in the long run.
You will also build up a faith resume. I like to think I have a faithful resume of ALL the things I've overcome, accomplished, made it through, or dug myself out of.
What this does for me is give me that social proof; almost like deductive reasoning.
It's like knowing I know how to ride a bike now. I know for a fact that I can get on a bike and ride it pretty far, and get back home safely.
Have I always been able to do that? NO. It took practicing over and over how to ride it.
But.. then I rode it SO many times it just became something I know how to do and TRUST myself to do…
You have to get on the bike to start to learn.
You have to fall over and over again and get back on the bike to build faith you will eventually know how.
You have to master the bike and then still continue to ride it to keep the ability to do so.
Same with life.
You have to have that social proof to yourself that you can make it through any storm.
But, you can't avoid the storms.
I think people try to avoid the storms, avoid the pain.
They don't want to be in situations or circumstances where something could go wrong or bad, and no one wants that.
But if you never get on the bike, you will never learn how to ride one..
#9 Family ISN'T always everything
I may get a little heat from this and I don't want this to sound offensive or that I'm ungrateful for my parents, siblings, or nieces and nephews…
But, phrases like ‘blood is thicker than water’ or ‘family is all that matters’ can be destructive when it comes to your individuality.
Just saying these words sounds horrible, but what is it about families that keeps us from telling the truth?
When we’re children, we’re told it’s OK to not fit in with everyone else, but somehow this idea gets lost as we become adults.
The way I was raised always felt like someone was trying to put me in a box and forcing me to mold into something I really wasn't.
I've done so much inner work trying to find my own voice again. It was suppressed so far down because of the influence of other people, especially my family.
It didn't feel okay to be ME.
It was only okay when I was behaving how they wanted me to.
It takes different personalities to make the world interesting. Like my number 6 lesson… the world doesn't need more of the same.
We need to read and listen to a plethora of voices before we can find our own – not just the voice of the family we’re born into.
I know they say a parent's love is unconditional, but mine felt very conditional - at least from my mother.
When I wasn't doing something HER way… I felt as though she would restrict love or care.
I've always been open to different ways of thinking and believing. I don't have a one track mind where I stick to one thing like most of my family does. I welcome open conversation and other opinions and then form my own beliefs.
Most families set the beliefs and when not followed, you are deemed bad or wrong.
This can put such a huge hindrance on teens or adults growing up and their ability to trust themselves.
It wasn’t until my late 20s that I finally felt okay enough to say “This is me. This is who I am”
Which really, I've never done with my family, I've mainly done it via social media, interviews or to strangers.
Because I never felt the sense that I could go against my parents’ beliefs without some sort of repercussion.
My family does not define me, I am an individual – my identity does not come from the two people that happened to make me.
It is said that life is made up of a collection of moments.
To me, that life should be made up of individuals who accept our imperfections, weaknesses, and individuality.
I have always lived on my own terms, and my mother’s death reinforced the importance of that.
If I took the phrase ‘family is everything’ literally, I wouldn’t have led the adventurous and experimental life that I do.
If you’re not confident or curious, this narrative will shape your life for you – You don’t live your own life, but the life others have created for you.
So if I had to go back and tell my younger self anything it would be this; move and dance to the beat of your own drum. I used to feel guilty that I felt I needed to go out in the world to find myself, as if saying my family wasn’t enough. But as an adult I understand that it’s not selfish – but essential.
I have found homes in so many different people and places that I feel seen, heard, and understood in friendships, books, and places.
To allow yourself the freedom to listen to your own heart is everything.
I love you family, but you are my everything and that's okay.
#10 You have everything you need within you
If you were or are anything like I used to be, you probably look for things outside of you for comfort, control, happiness, or joy.
You can't sit with yourself for too long before you have to find something to take the attention away from the present moment.
You gripe at the smallest things you don't love about yourself and once you fix those, you move on to the next
You don't respect yourself enough to set boundaries with people, things or habits that are impeding on your health - mental or physical.
You find validation in people complimenting you or telling you how you look in the world as opposed to knowing and trusting yourself.
You don't actually love you for you and you wear different masks to hide behind so you aren't exposed or vulnerable.
If you are anything like I used to be.. You are unaware of the massive amount of power you hold within you at any given time to do have and be anything you want in this life.
Everything used to be external for me.
And for most people, it still is.
Even people who read self help books, listen to podcasts, go to church, hire coaches, and attend seminars.
It may look as though they have it all figured out because of the way they spend their time, but they are still seeking SOMEONE ELSE and looking for answers -whether it be a mentor, God, role model, or guru.
Whatever validation you are seeking is what you need to give yourself.
If you go from man to man because they all say you're beautiful and love bomb you, you probably need to tell yourself you are beautiful.
if you spend money on pointless things to feel worthy you need to be branding it into your brain that you are worthy just because.. You are. For no other reason other than you are alive.
If you over exhaust yourself by helping everyone else before yourself, you should probably take some of that love and give it to yourself so you can feel full for once.
I grew the most self love during the pandemic. When I was isolated, alone, bored, and there was nothing else to do.
Not when I was at the best parties, wearing the hottest outfits, traveling the world to post photos for likes, or buying expensive things to feel a small glimpse of worthiness only for it to wither away.
When I was in my pajamas, no makeup, doing yoga, breathwork, journaling and really learning myself.
Who am I? Who is Kayla if everything is stripped away?
This is when I gained the most respect for myself and truly saw my potential, my worthiness and what I deserved.
So I'm sorry to say it but I credit the pandemic for changing my life.
It brought so many things to light I wouldn't have slowed down to figure out before.
Even my boyfriend told me today how much calmer and peaceful I am since he's known me, which was 2020 when we met.
I don't need anything else other than myself to be happy.
I love being alone.
I love my independent time with myself.
I love my personality, my morals, and my values.
I've been wanting to say this for a while, but STOP trying to be internet famous. Stop trying to go viral.
You know who goes viral and gets a lot of attention?
HOT MESSES.
All these people you follow that you aspire to be like… are teaching you it's cool to be a hot mess express because then you will get attention, get opportunities, get followers, likes, views whatever.
But you don't want that kind of attention.
You don't want to be posting about how you sleep in until 2pm, you’re ditzy, you’re blonde, you go out and get crazy drunk. Then post about your boy drama.
That's not attractive. It's not cute. And how long is that going to last you? Are you going to be doing that when you're 40 years old?
Stop glorifying the hot messes on the internet and stop trying to be like them.
BE YOU.
Who are you?
Figure it out and then be that.
You'll figure it out much faster when you take all outside factors out of the equation. Take a lot of time of solitude and discover your own identity.
Then, use that to change the world.
I'll end it with this quote..
Pain or pleasure, joy or misery, agony or ecstasy, happens only inside you. Human folly is that people are always trying to extract joy from outside. You may use outside as stimulus or trigger, but the real thing always comes from within. – Sadghuru